Forever Changed

I deal with a lot as a teacher of teenagers.  Junior High is a "special" time (insert sarcasm) when parents are still trying to control their teenager's unexplainable behavior before sending them off to High School to sink or swim.  As a teacher, if I'm going to be honest, it is maddening at times.  Often, this attempt to control turns into blaming the teacher for not trying to control the student as well. Sometimes, it is berating the teacher for not protecting their child from the natural consequences of their behavior.  This happens so often that I expect it.  I expect parents to blame me for their children's failure to turn in work.  I expect parents to blame me for their child not doing their best on their assignments.  Strangely, I am often told that if I would expect MORE from the students they would do better, but then when I set standards high and the students fail (despite repeated and various engaging access to the material...feel free to throw in a few more buzzwords here) then I am expecting TOO much. It truly is a no win situation when I have 36 or more very different students in my classroom and I teach three sections (yep, that's over 100 students everyday that I have to teach, nurture, differentiate for, and by all means necessary make sure they don't fail!).  But, every day I plug away, I put my 20 plus years of experience and training to work and I do the best I can.  But, when parents get angry with me for not meeting the specific needs of their specific child I just take it, because I expect it.

But this week something different happened.

A parent apologized.  Not just an email apology either, and actual handwritten card with a Starbucks card included apology.

I was shocked.

And, then, I was shocked at how shocked I was.

You see, my initial reaction was to feel like it wasn't necessary because I expect parents to treat me poorly.  Isn't that sad?  I expect to be treated badly so I accept it.  Wow.  I didn't even really realize that I was doing that.  Because, you see, in the grand scheme of things, this parent was frustrated with their child, and they were having a bad day on top of it, and they took all of that out on me when none of that was my fault.  In fact, I had gone out of my way to lessen some of the natural consequences of this child's behavior because he is, in fact, a really good kid who made one mistake.  But I couldn't take all of the consequences away, that was beyond my control. And the parent was angry with me for that.

But, she realized her anger was misplaced and she took the time to apologize.

It was huge.  It has changed me.

How often do I take my bad day out on others who are not the true target of my frustration?  That grocery store clerk? Or the guy driving in front of me, going the speed limit, when I just want to get home?  Or, heaven forbid, my family?

How often have I taken the time to apologize?

If I'm going to be honest, it's not very often.

I am eternally grateful to this parent for her apology card.  I really enjoyed the coffee.  But more than that I feel that it took me to a place of looking at MY heart and reflecting on my life and attitude to make a change for the better.