Consequences...

I sat talking to a brand new mommy in our church, just a casual conversation, and she made a comment about how great my kids are.  Now, my kids are not perfect and, since she is the youth pastor's wife, she knows that all too well.  They are pretty terrific though, most of the time!  We talked about the different parenting philosophies that I have embraced over the years...from extreme attachment parenting when Beth was little (hello...Dr. Sears WAS my pediatrician!) to Growing Kids God's Way to all sorts of variations in between.

 If I had to boil it down to one piece of advice that has stuck with me over the years it is this...let your kids be accountable for their actions.  

We did this when they were small by making them admit fault when they apologized.  Our kids did not say they were "sorry."  That is a word that hold's little meaning, especially to children, these days.  What are they "sorry" for?  That they did something wrong or simply that they got caught?  Or maybe they are sorry that their mother is making them apologize when they don't feel "sorry" for what they did at all!!  Instead, our children had to say, "I was wrong for _________________(fill in what they did), please forgive me."  This makes them, even if in words only, admit their wrongdoing.  They verbalize what they are apologizing for and by asking for forgiveness they are giving the power to the person they wronged.  It is a powerful thing.  

The other way that we have held our kids accountable is to allow our children to suffer the consequences of their actions.  We try to always make the punishment "fit" the crime.  This has been harder to do as our children get older and the consequences might impact their GPA and college and scholarship opportunities, but better now than when it might land them in jail....or worse.  It is the sheltering children from the consequences of their actions that is destroying America. Most human beings, even tiny ones, realize that if something hurts (physically, mentally, emotionally) they shouldn't do it again. I say most because there are people in this world that are so enamored with the "whatever" in their life that they deny the pain hurts even when it is excruciating. Allowing children to experience consequences makes logical sense. Allowing them to experience consequences when they are young and the consequences are small is even more logical. The problem is that we have swallowed the lie that our children aren't strong enough, aren't capable enough to handle consequences. So we shelter them, we protect them. We unknowingly instill in them the fact that we believe they are weak and incapable and must be taken care of.

In order to build muscles they must be torn a little so that they can grow stronger.

Have faith in your child.

Stand beside them so that, in the pain, they know they are not alone. Let them lean on you, but do not carry them.

Believe in them, and they will become as amazing as you already know they are.